What if people bought cars like they buy computers?

  General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't
know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers --
but imagine if they did...


HELPLINE
        "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER
        "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE
        "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER
        "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE
        "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and 
turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER
        "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know
all these technical terms just to use my car?"


-------------------

HELPLINE
        "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER
        "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE
        "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER
        "Huh? How do I know!?"
HELPLINE
        "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and
markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER
        "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
HELPLINE
        "It means that you have to visit a gasonline vendor, and 
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay
the vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER
        "WHAT!? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that
I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes
with everything built in!"

--------------------------

HELPLINE
        "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER
        "Your cars suck!"
HELPLINE
        "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER
        "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HELPLINE
        "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER
        "I wanted to faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all
the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed --
and now it won't start!"
HELPLINE
        "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What
do you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER
        "I want you to send me one of the lastest version that
doesn't crash anymore!"

-----------------------------

HELPLINE
        "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER
        "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power
sterring, power brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE
        "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER
        "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE
        "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER
        "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE"
        "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER
        "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places
in my car!"



-- 
dennis@develop.iglobal.net
http://develop.iglobal.net/~dennis
finger: dennis@iglobal.net 
Denton,Tx  817.484.6726  
"A simple statement can have side effects."       
 - Programming Perl [1991]